Humor Index


Rules for Writing

1. Always avoid alliteration.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid cliches like the plague.

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

13. Don't be redundant and don't use more words than necessary because it's highly superfluous.

14. Profanity sucks.

15. Be more or less specific.

16. Understatement is always best.

17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be avoided.

21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

23. Who needs rhetorical questions?

24. Sentences without verbs--bad idea.

25. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.

26. Don't use no double negatives.

27. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

28. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

29. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences--such as those of ten or more words--to their antecedents.

30. Use parallel structure when you write and in speaking.

31. Take the bull in hand and don't mix metaphors.

32. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

33. Unless you are quoting other people's exclamations, kill all exclamation points!!!

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


Humor Index